we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
