Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
