Her vagina should come with caution tape.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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