I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
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