he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Randomize
