I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
