Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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