I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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