she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
