i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
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