Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
