one two three fourrrrnication!
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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