I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
