All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
