i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
