Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
No I am not eating basil off your cock
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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