Screwed.edu
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
