I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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