If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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