I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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