It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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