I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
