I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
