they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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