piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
