Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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