I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
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I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
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Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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