I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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