I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I think I won the penis lottery.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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