No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
