all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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