Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
