I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
True strength comes from lack of pants
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
