jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
