what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
