Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
