Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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