Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
