im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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