Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
