I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
