What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
