We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
