Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
