Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Even my vagina gasped.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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