So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
