Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
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