pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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