hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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