This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
my poor anus
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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