She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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