your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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