Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
My dick has a subreddit
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
