Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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