u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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