umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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