Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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