Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
