dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
