Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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