I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Buhtt sex?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
