So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
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I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
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Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
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